His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
