I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
