omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
