It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
