i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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