ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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