You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
