He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
