Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was confusing and full of hummus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
