He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
