I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize