I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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