Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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