so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
