Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize