as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
operation have a gay friend backfired
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
