thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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