I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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