WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I smell like Dick and happiness
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
