And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
