You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
