Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the raccoons are back...
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