I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
