I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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