U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
