I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
