I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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