I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
