i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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