low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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