I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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