Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
