you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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