is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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