well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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