Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
