An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Even my vagina gasped.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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