Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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