Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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