My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
