dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
