My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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