I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please don't give away my fajitas
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
