Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
