matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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