My room smells like vodka and shame
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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