So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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