So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
