She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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