Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
