You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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