i think my mom watched the whole time
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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