Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
