the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
