when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
