i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize