Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
