just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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