So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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