Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
