did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
