the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
