So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
