the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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