tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
