i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
