You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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