you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
