I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
