I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
