I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
