I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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