you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
