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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.

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• (518): View more from New York

  my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.

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• (585): View more from New York

  ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

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• (941): View more from Florida

  All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila

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• (425): View more from Washington

  The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.

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