its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can you bring me the toilet please
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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