yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
