Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
