Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
